remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
