she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
whose ass print is on the piano?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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