Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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