he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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