can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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