He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
