im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
