Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
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