eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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