U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
