dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
