I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
