One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
