I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
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