My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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