maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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