The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
