Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
