so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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