Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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