I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
