dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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