When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
