i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
The adults are the big ones right?
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