I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
