Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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