this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
