Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
