I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
