dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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