Since when is my name a synonym for head?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
