i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
