We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
