I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
