I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
