I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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