I wish my penis had an off switch
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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