I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Randomize
