So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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