Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
