btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
