I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
