i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
