I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
