Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
