was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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