i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
