I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
