hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
