i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
