you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
