guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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