my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
