I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
