You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
